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The title comes from the new Kay Jewelers "open hearts" collection. The commercial came on a few times tonight as I was watching TV, so I visited their website and saw this quote. Funny word, love. We all desire it even if we're not quite sure what it is.
Well, tonight's a quiet night in my apartment, and I haven't written--truly written--in ages, so I decided to give this a go again. Not so much for whoever might stumble across it and learn about the recent events in my life; this is for the reason I started my LiveJournal nine years ago, and why I've been writing in journals since third grade. Writing out my thoughts and feelings used to be my favorite pastime. I spend so much time in my own head that I start to feel overwhelmed and lost in my own thoughts, so putting everything down into words stabilizes it all a bit. Last week, I randomly decided to start reading my journal entries from senior year of high school, a time when I wrote as often as I could about every little detail of my life. Back then, it was so important for me to document all the events of my life no matter how insignificant. Because back then, everything was significant. I find it amazing to rediscover myself as old memories are brought back, as my mind struggles to remember certain people I spent so much time with but whose names mean nothing to me now. Maybe it's just a problem that people like me have...that is, people who have terrible and selective memories. I'm getting older, and the memory of my youth fades more and more over time, so I'm extremely thankful that I at least have some sort of record. My journal entries, along with the tens or hundreds of thousands of pictures I've taken, allow me to relive and remember.
Truth be told, on some days I do have the time to still document every seemingly insignificant moment, but I don't, and sometimes I wish I did. Two sides of me are fighting to be public and private; lately the private side has been victorious. Anyway. Life's been unexpectedly hectic this year even though I thought this would really be the year when things start to quiet down a bit. A quiet life is honestly something I long for, but is it something I'll be able to have anytime soon? It probably doesn't help that my adventurous side is always planning trips and outings with the end goal of seeing and experiencing every amazing thing in the world. I think it'd be much too tiring to write about all my travels because pictures will suffice. Instead, I'll just do a rundown of the classic categories.
Work (basically, my life)
We've been very busy this year. The shows we've exhibited at have brought in an array of clients from around the world. The most recent show, the Hong Kong Electronics Fair (Autumn Edition) last month, has probably produced the best results. I'm excited about the new relationships we're establishing and the orders that are coming in. Our factory is constantly working overtime; last I heard, there were two shifts everyday: the 8:30am-5:30pm and the 6:30-11:30pm. We're moving to a larger space in a few months because our operation's simply becoming too much for the current location to handle. Things are going well with the exception of the occasional crabby client. My dad's making the most of his creative/engineering/sales genius over in China, and Alice is working hard keeping everything in check in Taiwan. Me? I'm just doing what I can. Aside from the marketing and design work (not exactly fun stuff), I've been feeling more useful as I've started getting more accounts to handle. But I still make mistakes here and there because this is only my second year on the job, and trust me, there is a lot to learn. Success does not come easily.
Family (highly integrated with work)
When I was reading those old journal entries from senior year, it surprised me how often I went over to my mom's house back then. I'm not sure why that fact caught me off guard, but I guess I just never realized how much time I spent there as opposed to home. I just came back from Nor-Cal last night, and I basically spent all my time there with her and Eddie. Different house but same experience: napping on her couch, watching TV, getting fed. (Sometimes I think my parents are the reason I enjoy feeding other people so much. They're constantly asking if I want to eat, even after large meals!) In the past year or two, our relationship has become a bit more open and sharing. I'm not sure why she's started to tell me more stories about when I was younger or back when she was married to my dad; it just happened. Or maybe she's been telling me for years, and I just haven't been listening. Either way, I certainly appreciate these little anecdotes now. Eddie turned six on Wednesday. He was born my senior year, so I mentioned him quite a bit in those journal entries during my mom's pregnancy and after he was born. That year, there was a couple living in my mom's house with a baby named Jenny. I wrote about playing with her and how I thought it was kind of cool to have a baby around and how I was excited about getting a baby brother soon. Incidentally, on Eddie's birthday, I met grown up (as in six or seven years old versus infant status) Jenny. Her mom, who works at Sushi Nobu now, kept saying things to me like, "I haven't seen you in so long!" But it wasn't until I overheard her telling Jenny that I held her when she was just a baby that I connected the dots. It was one of those bizarre moments in my life when I just thought, "Wow, if I had not read those specific journal entries of mine last week, I would have had no idea who this girl is today."
On another note related to my growing relationship with my mom, it appears as if my parents have suddenly taken more of an interest in my personal life. My doc is honestly the first boyfriend that A) my mom has actually spoken to, and B) my dad has actually asked questions about and--get this--when we were on the phone a few weeks ago, he asked, "So how's Peter doing?" I almost died just from the shock of knowing that my dad even remembered his name. Maybe they're aware that I'm finally at the age of finding a serious relationship and settling down instead of having a new boyfriend every few months (my mom used to jokingly complain about it, so perhaps it's why she didn't bother to get to know any of the exes).
My dad and sis...well, I talk to them nearly everyday. Working in the family business creates an interesting dynamic and circle of trust. Sometimes I wish that I could be in two places at once so that I could help out more over there, but I've accepted the reality that I belong in the U.S. and am much happier here. The Chinese New Year's road trip around Taiwan back in February was a really joyous experience though. It was a week when I felt like our family wasn't quite so broken anymore. Given everything that's happened in the last 15 years or so, I think every member of my immediate family is in a good enough place now, and I think we've each found our own ways to be happy with our lives.
Friends (a second family)
A good majority of my closest friends are unemployed or juggling part-time jobs. Thanks, economy. This has been a frustrating time for many of them--to be out of college and constantly job-hunting without many prospects, living at home or struggling to make rent, being too broke to go out. I really hope things start to get better soon; it sucks to graduate from a good college and still be stuck in this situation.
Different topic. I understand that it's not my place to pass judgment, but I've caught myself frowning upon friends' decisions more and more lately. Mostly in the relationship category. It's just so hard to ignore signs of an unhealthy relationship or a friend getting involved with someone who will inevitably just break his/her heart. There are certain friends I know I can be pretty blunt with, but there are also those who I have to tread carefully around lest s/he becomes defensive or blows things out of proportion. In the end, I guess words don't do much good anyway when people are blinded by their desire to be loved and they're willing to settle for being "happy enough." Until they have the courage to open their eyes, I'll just let them be.
My road trip with Gail and Maddie last weekend was a great bonding and girl-time experience. We went up to Seattle to visit Alan, who was such a great host and tour guide. These are friends I want to keep for life.
I haven't been as available in the past several months, but I do make an effort to see my friends when I can, even if it's just for a meal to catch up. I think Keith and Josh probably feel the most neglected because I'm supposed to be living with them and yet I'm rarely here. A combination of work, traveling, and spending time with my doc have contributed to this absence. A-Chin and Monica will be coming to visit all of next week though, and they're both staying at our apartment, so I'll actually be hanging out with the boys more this month.
Relationship (friendship set on fire)
He's been so good to me. While I was in Taiwan last month, he went out and got me a mini-fridge for my office (the full size kind, not the cube kind), and he somehow carried it up to his apartment by himself. That was the sweetest thing a guy has ever done for me. Then he topped it off with a microwave (also for the office) and a space heater for my room so that I won't be cold this winter...because I get cold really easily. He's just really thoughtful and sweet.
We talk through things instead of fighting. We're similar in random ways and compatible in many more. A good fit. =)
I go to sleep happy every night, and I wake up happy every morning. What more can I ask for?
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I feel so lucky and grateful for my family, my friends, and my doc. In conclusion, life's good.
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Next wk is the last week of my first semester clinical.
I don't want to leave my prof ): why can't we just stay with her throughout the program
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I'm having a really difficult time understanding human nature right now. I don't understand how people can do such horrible things. I don't understand how people can be so maliciously deceiving. How they can say one thing, do another, and mean something else entirely different. I'm so confused. I really need someone to talk to, but I don't know who. Not to mention I hate talking about things, so even if I do want to talk, it takes a hell of a long time for me to get comfortable enough to even attempt to bring up the subject. *sigh* I mean...really? Who does that? It shouldn't affect me, but it does. Lying to myself only works for so long...I just want to...cry...or something. I'm so frustrated. I wish I could forgo human relationship and human contact, and as much as I relish having alone time, I just can't...be alone. Well, at least during certain times of the month, I suppose. What is this necessity for human interaction? Can I just splice it out of my DNA? I just don't want to be associated with beings who can inflict such great pain on one another, whether it's physical or emotional. Fuck drama. Really. I don't like getting dragged into things. I know it happens though, and that I can't just avoid everything. What do you do though, when it just hurts? I feel like the world is compressing, closing in on me, and I just want to lock myself up and do nothing, see no one, know nothing. I want to wipe my mind. But in this world, that's not really possibly unless I hit my head really hard, huh. Fortunately for me, I'm not one to intentionally inflict pain on myself. Punching things when I'm really angry doesn't count. *sigh*...so many secrets. How much mental space do I have? How much can I keep inside until I snap? Ugh...what is happening to me? What is happening around me? I want people to lean on me when they need it, but what happens if I break my own leg? Doesn't matter if it's mine or theirs, it still feels like a sharp jab in the stomach. I don't know what to do with the things I hear or how to process things. Lie To Me. I already feel numb, or at least I want to. I don't want to feel. I don't want to think. I don't want...I don't know what I don't want. I started this entry sober, and I just got back from some not-so-sober stuff about two sentences ago. I think I'm going to post this now so I don't ruin my buzz. Perhaps I'll continue this when I'm more sober. I think it should be continued. Because I'm obviously not going to talk to anyone about this unless they pry it out of me. Maybe. Writing's going to be my best bet, I think. *sigh*...bottle everything up. Think think think until I can't stand it anymore and think some more. That's how I roll. Meh.
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Wtf happened today. HMMMMMM. Yeah today as in like...Thursday. I think it was Thursday at least. ROFL. YEAHHHHHHHHHHh.
SO. Hm. Okayyyyyyyy so I had work. I think. YEAHHH with Pierre! And it was really busy during rush. LOLOL! He left, and I was alone for a bit, and like five minutes before clocking out, I got a buncha stuff to cut, and I was like "Uh...I have to go...in like five minutes..." lawl. Oh well.
Ran back and showered, got ready, then ran back to meet Ankita at Starbucks. Haha then went to the Terrace, wherever the fck that was and found some Amazing Zot Race people. LOL all the other UCIdining places' managers were there, so I texted our boss (Ryan) telling him that he should've been there to cheer us on, and he said, "ill give you a beer. thats how i roll." ROFL so yeahhhh Ankita and I ran our asses off all over campus and WE SHOULD'VE FRIKKEN WON. Fck BC Cavern! >:O They didn't fill out their stupid answers! Hahahaha we like ran in through Phoenix's back door and everything too. Roflll and Ryan didn't stand up for us, and hahahah for the spin-the-wheel dealio, one of the prizes was like...samples, and ROFLLL Ankita was telling him to be a man the whole time, so she picked up one of the sample packs and offered him tampons. HAHAHAH. Ohhhhhh man. YEAHHH then free food! YAYAYAYYYY! They were more like samples, because they wanted feedback on the food to introduce to commons. Watermelon juice was SOOOOOOOO FRIKKEN GOOD! :D Hahahaha and then yeahhh. So we had that, and uhhhh....yeah I wanted to break my grill virginity, so I had a cheesesteak sandwich thingie. SO FRIKKEN GOOD. Omg. But oh man...I could see all the oil on that. Hahahahahah Paula and Karen and Brent like turned around, and when they looked back at me, I was done, and they were like WTF. Rofl! I got bling for mass texting! LOLOL! Don't be angry with me. =X Hahaha and screw the stupid KROQ trivia prize giveaway thing. I don't listen to the station so BAH. Lol yay for free stuff and more free food though! And then LOL Ryan got me a beer like he promised. I'd tried Stella before, so I got Bass. Not bad. Hahaha definitely not as fizzy. Rofl couldn't leave the place with it...and damn it was a HUGE cup, so hadda finish it there. Hahaha and then afterwards, left with Karen, just as some band set up. Omg they were SO FRIKKEN LOUD. All I could hear were the drums, and it was deafening! T_T
Came back and ughhh stupid phone was acting up and being stupid, and the keypad buttons weren't working. But then third time's the charm. Bahaha. It started working again though, so I'm not complaining. =T
Then Sam (and Annie and Dan) came to pick me up! Drove like a maniac to get to D&B before we had to pay cover charges, but apparently it started an hour before already, so whatever. Ohhh man...lol at work they were saying I was such a bad influence, but they were even worse on me! D: LOL. Stop light! So pretty! The last one though...WTF why save the worst-tasting for last?!?!! :O Hahahah I mean it wasn't so bad I had to slap a counter, but STILL. Oh man. Hahaha then Dan and I went around playing games. Basketball then bowling...fawk I chose the "high seas" level because we both had Caribbean-esque drinks, but only right before you select it do they tell you it's the expert level. LAME. Hahahahah the best frame we had was Dan's 9. xD What else was there...yeahhhhh loooooooots more drinks. LOL. Annie and Sam kept splitting stuff, and Dan and I just got different things each time so we could try each other's. Lawl he chased his Hawaiian Mai Tai with my Walk The Plank. :P Cherry stem knots! I win. Along with horse racing. LOLOL. YAY TICKETS! :D Hahahah and Time Crisis 3...ROFLL. Hifuckinglarious! Too many good quotes that I don't remember off the top of my head. =T Hahahah Dan challenged me to tie TWO knots in one stem...yeah it didn't work. Or did it? I don't remember. I think that stem was kinda effed up so it was kinda weird. DARN. That is my goal next time. LOL. Walked around Spectrum for awhile, then somehow, we ended up on the Carousel and then in a fountain. LOL.
When we were on 405 heading back to Irvine, Annie wanted to go to Laguna Beach, so...we went! LOLLL Dan is a self-proclaimed biatch. ROFLLL. Stupid game! Hahaha I mean I was already wet from the fountain, so whatever, but the beach didn't help at all! Sandy and shit too. Hahahah we were going barefoot for awhile until the ground hurt too much. And LOLOLLLLL some desperate horny stranger texted my phone, so Dan was having fun with it. HAHAHAHAH. Oh man. WHAT THE EFF. LMFAOOO.
Yeah I'm wayyyy too lazy to do laundry now. Oops. I think I'll just wake up early tomorrow morning and do what needs to be done. Weeheeheeeeeeeeeee! And where the hell is my water bottle?! I lost it again. -__- Well, I think I gave it to someone who seemed like they needed it more...one of us probably used it to wash the sand off our feet. HAHAHA.
God I look like such an alcoholic...I have drinking wristbands on both of my arms...LOL. Gooooooooood shit! Yeah okay I think I'm going to nap/sleep for a few hours and HOPEFULLY I'll wake up for class. If not class, then work at least. Mrf. >_> Ugh I'm so sore all over. T_T Oh right I should drink water or something. TEEHEEEEEEEEEEE! :D
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Life is going well. Pretty fast.
Summary:
- I secretly love pop music - Rihanna, Justin Timberlake, etc.
- Jean Grae is also really cool
- Biggie Smalls is the shit. Too bad I didn't listen to him for years out of spite because I fucking loved Tupac so much
- Environmental Racism workshop coming up... hopefully will be okay? Regardless, I think we had really fucking legit conversation in SEAC and Linda can drop knowledge for real real
- Relationship is going well - Dorothy visiting soon then vice versa - woo hoo for financial aid checks!
- I love mothers - specifically mine and Dorothy's
On the negative:
- Police reports are shit
- Haven't been sleeping much - lab reports suck but at least my TA is cool
- My bed frame broke - good thing it didn't break during sex?
- School is hard! But fucking rewarding. I wrote a 30+ page lab report. Thick and heavy, fuck a frog
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Lunch at Kaya with Monica and Theresa. Went back afterwards to wait for Julianna to get here so we could go shopping, but she ended up being late, so no shopping. And I took a nap because I was so frikken exhausted. >_>
Plot plot plot, plan plan plan. Haha lies all around. It worked out though.
Dale got here, so he took Monica and Julianna with him to get a table at Kaisen. I took Theresa along with me to pick up Andy, and Dale called when I was still on Jeffrey saying he saw me, which wasn't physically/logically/time-ly possible. LOL gg. :P But yeah got there, suffered a bit of residual cigarette butts, then got in! It was delicious! I ate so much. T_T My stack of dishes was like half as high as Monica's and Dale's, but they shared, and they also shared with like the rest of the table, so technically, I didn't do too badly by myself. Hahahahaha Martha and the oyster. She tried half and couldn't do the other, so I took it. I love avocado! Hahahah I was in a very happy food place. :)
Afterwards, we all headed to D&B. Got hollered at in the parking lot...what the frikken random. >_> I think it was game night, so no one was checking IDs at the door. o.O So weird. Lol so many little kids running around. Eh. But yeah it wasn't really busy either, so we weren't sure whether it was happy hour or not. Bought an R&R for Monica. She got her first carding! :D And then I got a screaming orgasm. ROFL. Not bad. Andy got a Lethal Weapon, which was basically liquid cocaine and then some. o.O I could smell the Rumple Minze...oh man. The peppermint...ugh. It was pretty and layered, but I would not have been able to stomach that, I think. LOL phone call from a protective husband. Aww. Haha ginger ale for Martha. :P Chilled for a bit, then got Monica an Alien Secretion (such odd names) and got Theresa a red sangria. And Andy tried a Scooby Snack. ^^ The sangria was alright...haven't yet acquired a taste for wine. But the alien thing...holy shit we think they screwed up...it didn't smell or taste anything like the description. I took it back, and the bartender just put some more OJ in there...meh. Yeah I ended up taking that one cos Monica just made faces. Hahahah.
Left after that and went back to our place. Rofll...Martha and I decided to let Dale have a head start, since we had the cake, but then we remembered that he drives like a maniac, so we left. Hahaha Martha was following me, so I was trying not to go too super fast along with the other cars on the 405. >_> Yeahhh I had to open my big mouth and laugh when we were still in the garage. OOPS. But yeah we got the candles in the cake...hahahaha oh Martha. The only one with us who didn't drink put the "2" candle in backwards. LOL. Hilarious. But yeah, we got to the door and I lit the candles, then burned myself because it took soooo long for the wicks to light, so my lighter was hot, and I forgot that and accidentally touched it. Bahahah. Then SURPRISE! Hahahahah but it took us so long...bahahah. Oh well. We may suck at the whole surprise ish, but at least we tried? =T Sang happy birthday, cut cake, ate cake, and shared funny stories until late. Good times with good friends. :)
After awhile, everyone started to say their goodbyes, and it became a mass exodus from our apartment. Haha Theresa's journey was the shortest. :P Julianna went off in another direction, Martha...was very sleepy, and I took Andy back. Took Michelson off University so I would hit Chevron, but omg it was soooooo long and windy and dark...I was all paranoid someone would randomly cross the street. Ugh. But yeahh finally got to the gas station...then I was the only car there. Totally freaked me out. >_> Cos my mommy always told me not to get gas at night, so I've never done that, even if the light is on. =/ Wahahah all antsy, filled up, and got the hell outta there. Hahaha oh paranoid little me.
Tired outta my mind now, so good night!
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Doot doot. Retarded sleeping patterns...kept waking up every 3 or 4 hours. :(
Met up with Jeein for our top secret drug deal. Hahaha.
Stopped by Phoenix to get a salad. Aww Kenny and Pierre were both there looking all cute and frazzled cos it was apparently SUPER busy. Hahahahah *pinches cheeks* but yeah...they were running out of everythinggg. Crazy. Ate that while I digg-ed on Starlight. I wanna see Alice in Wonderland! T_T New poster looked pretty cool!
Finished my salad and left. Kept walking and wandered over to the piano rooms. Too bad they were all full. I sat around waiting for someone to leave, but considering some other chick was waiting too, it would be awhile, so I left, my desire to play left unsatiated. :( That was enough to spin me into a Rach-blasting session on the way back to the apartment though. Switched the music over from Starlight to Edward and...caught up on some emails. Goshies I haven't really had time to write my usual lengthy ones. Either that or I'm too tired/braindead. =T Ended up skipping class. Bad Josephine. Waited until Monica came back, then we went to Albertson's and Chase.
Mission accomplished. :)
Made me some vodka shrimp pasta. Because I was snacking on everything in sight. Ughhh. I figure a dinner would make me stop. xD Theresa came over a bit. Yay she brought her vacuum! I shall be doing that tomorrow. ^^ I don't think I'm bored enough to do that tonight. Lol gave Monica her present since I won't be seeing her at midnight, and she's not allowed to open it or even peek until then! She left, so Theresa went back to her apartment.
Tomorrow's a holiday, so I really don't have anything to do. Well, I could read and stuff for class, but considering I haven't really been doing that the whole quarter, I'm not about to start when I don't have class tomorrow. :P OOH HOUSE! Okay I'll watch that. Yay! And then...I don't know. *sigh*...maybe this is the needs-human-contact part of my month. It's like I have a single now. o.O
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So my appointment began with inadvertently being diagnosed with primary Raynaud's phenomenon. After speaking with my mom about this, it apparently runs on her mother's side of the family. Not unusual for women in the same family to have it. Luckily we don't have a severe form, just more of an annoyance (except when my fucking fingernails start turning blue, that is a sign of an immediate need for more warmth on the hands). Gloves and ginkgo biloba seem to be the easiest treatment for this, followed by avoiding caffeine (ok, I rarely drink caffeine rich drinks.. green and red tea don't count), avoiding alcohol (yah haven't been drinking), and avoiding stimulants. Well, that's a bit of a problem...
I have Idiopathic Hypersomnia/hypersomnolence. In medical jargon, this means they can't find out why, but there is a huge issue with me falling asleep. My multiple latency sleep test score put me in the range of being troublesome(score should be between 15-20 mins to fall asleep; 10-15 is manageable sleepiness w/o meds; 5-10 is troublesome; and 0-5 is extreme problem and I scored an 8 with one nap in particular only taking 4 mins, o joy!), but my brain did not produce REM waves during the naps like a narcoleptic. It's considered a rare and serious disease (serious because if you're doing something when an attack occurs, you could injure yourself or others if it's an activity like driving), but with no "cure" or reason, as stated. The treatment is almost across the board Modafinil, since it's the safest stimulant created yet (with what is claimed 0 addiction potential and minimal abuse potential due to one of the histagernic effects it has). If it's easier, you can think of idiopathic hypersomnia a weird version of narcolepsy that presents with same symptoms but different brain wave activity. This is pretty awesome because it's fairly treatable, and they're always making advancements in the medicine of sleep since it's a newer field, so they may find something eventually.
BEST THING OF ALL THOUGH: Tyson has a great interest in my study and results because he has a lot of sleepiness problems too (although he really may be a sleep apnea case as we discussed), so I let him know and explained the med to him more (he already knows about modafinil in general). I mentioned it sux cos it reduces the effectiveness of BC pills (and it's expensive as shit even with insurance @#$@#$). His reply: "You know what increases the effectiveness of bc pills? Coat hangers." I lol'd so hard. <3
I guess that confirmed some of my suspicions, although the diagnosis wasn't actually narcolepsy. It took years, and finally experimenting with meds myself, but it was so worth it. At least it will be if modafinil solves this sleepiness problem! That Raynaud's phenomenon though.. that was a "Oh shit it clicked" moment. After all that I have studied about it in my classes, I never thought I might have it because I misunderstood a few symptoms. >_>
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Quite a memorable trip. Haha fun stuff.
Friday
Took us awhile to get going. =T Costco/Target runs. No radio adapter for iPod. Darn. Soooo much traffic. Alex drove the whole way. We probably had like 2 hours left for ~200 miles until we were late for Ka. Then Tiana told us that she hadn't changed her clock back for DST. -_______- Frikken Tiana! Hahaha kinda sad that three of us hadn't even noticed, what with our texting and stuff. It was dark though! Difficult to distinguish between 6 and 7 PM. >.< Pretty stars and moon! BUT yeah then we had enough time to make it. Not Annie and Dan though. =/ Got to MGM, where the guys gave us a free show in the parking lot. ;) Hehe then got Ka tickets from Tiana's cousin, got some pretzels, and off we went to watch it! It was pretty cool! :D I totally wanna see some of the other Cirque du Soleil shows. Or as Alex would call it, "serkay doo sow-leel"...LOL.
Afterwards, we went to Bally's to check in. They must've had a glitch in their system, because we had workable keys to a room that was already taken. The lady in there was suuuuuuch a biatch! But we went downstairs to get it sorted out. Alex was trying to milk it for all it was worth. Rofll so we ended up with a suite! :D It was gorgeousss! The shower was a bit questionable, but whatever. Hahah. Sailor Jerry's on an empty stomach is not a good thing. We went across the street where they had steak & eggs for $5.99, but it was too long of a wait, so we wandered around looking for food. Hahaha Annie's cranberry-Frost-in-Bacardi-flask. Respect from some guys who thought I was swiggin' Bacardi. LOL. Mm...alcohol didn't quite work that first night. Mrf. Passed on golden arches for Fatburger! Hahaha egg in a burger...pretty amazing! Annie and her XXXL burger. GG. :P
Afterwards, we went back to Bally's. The guys checked out poker, and Tiana and I went upstairs to change for walking around and Blackjack. Haha yay she won two hands! And then left. I have no luck with cards, so yeah. I didn't gamble at all. Mother's not going to be happy with me. =X The guys lost, so we went back up to jacuzzi! Hahaha the closets make lovely changing rooms for us girls. :P Goshies the water was sooo hotttt. T_T I was trying to scoop the cold water on me. Bahahah. Finally got in. Damnnn Dan was pimpin'! In a jacuzzi with three girls. Like a rap video. LOL. Thennn we pulled a sheet over one side of the glass doors...and the other side was up to the honor system and opening mirrored closet doors so reflections didn't reach the living room and bed area. >_> Annie and I showered together. ;P Then she stayed in there for awhile after she discovered the steam shower. It was too hot for me. =T Then it was Tiana's turn, and after that, I don't remember what happened because I knocked out. Kinda.
Saturday
Woke up when the guys were getting ready to go to their poker tournament, then flopped around in bed for awhile because I couldn't really get back to sleep. Got bored, so I started getting ready. They came back, and when we were all ready, we went wandering around looking for Chipotle. Finally found it...split a carne asada burrito with Tiana. Deliciousss! :D Then we went to Rockhouse! Tiana and Alex got this drink...I don't remember what you call the container. And then I got my guitar! Electric blue! Lol we both got hurricane with an extra shot. Gooood stuff. :) Haha that thing attracts sooo much attention. Lawl. Walked around...M&M factory! Holy shit...that one room is WAY too trippy. T_T And our 3D glasses didn't work for the movie. :( Kinda got a headache afterwards. Hahaha walked around some more. Got random hookups for clubbing...we weren't sure whether it was a scam or not. But yeah, went back and took a nap. Then Tiana and I got ready. Yay for pizza! And pregaming. Heehee.
Then off we went through the streets of Vegas! Well...down the strip at least. Haha. That was an interesting walk...the Mexican dudes with the girls-direct-to-you cards were giving Alex thumbs up cos we hawt girls were walking with him. LOL. Got to Jet, and the line was long, so we girls went to the front. Free, but we still had to wait a little bit. Hahaha apparently the free drinks wristbands were fakes. =T Whatever. Still not bad. Finished those inside cos they didn't let us take them out. And then we went over to Tao! Dan had no shoes, so he went to gamble, and Alex had a polo, so he went to buy a shirt right away. Haha Tiana and I switched shoes. Aww I wanna go shopping for stilettos! But no money now. Boo. Retarded difficulties getting in...eh. Whatever. Not quite free, but didn't really care. Found us a dance floor and dance dance! Yay for free adios. Bwahaha. I love being a girl. Went back to the dance foor and assed my way in. Hahaha I felt something drop on my foot when some people went by, so I went lowwwww just so I could pick it up. LMAO it ended up being Alex's shirt. xD Lol...groping guy...*shudder*. Mixup of which guy was actually my friend, and the bouncers ended up getting mad and opened some door, and at first I thought we were all getting thrown out, but then I went outside and it was just me and I got scared cos I thought they were throwing just me out some side door and I'd have to walk down some alleyway by myself. o.O But yeah hahaha who says I can't act? =T They let me back in, but then groping guy was following while we were leaving that floor, so my ratio of fake:real boyfriends is now (at least) 4:1. Bahahah. -__- Hahaha went to another room, but then left shortly after that. Found another steak & eggs for $5.99 place and ate there. It was alright. Nice waiter. :) And clam chowder! Yeahhh because we switched shoes, Tiana died later instead of sooner, and I actually died instead of not (cos my own shoes are good to me)...so it kinda evened out. xD Hobbled back to the hotel room and passed outtt! Couldn't find my water bottle. =/ I wonder where the hell it went. >_>
Sunday
Got up and got ready! Yay somewhat of a success at a pompador! ^^ Because Tiana and I were too lazy to shower. =X Packed up, then checked out at 11. Annie and Dan left us, so the four of us did our own thing, which ended up being Wynn buffet for lunch! Long line, kinda, and the group in front of us started with like 4 and ended up with 20. -__- Eh whatever. Haha food was pretty good. The OJ was yummy! And strawberries and pineapples! Hahaha the fruit serving dude was so cute and happy! :P Rofl Andrew's happy dance. They have some nice bathrooms in there. Haha and dessert was...well the espresso cup was cute. Hahaha I just liked the chocolate flake thingies. xD LOL at the Asian lady at the table next to us who came prepared with a frikken Ziplock baggie to put hella desserts in...she even took the whole little espresso cup! ROFL. Props.
Yeah afterwards, we were way too full for refills for the longtallcupthing and guitar. =T Decided to take off, but got lost in Palazzo. Went in a literal multi-floor circle. LOL. Deja vu for the people chillin' there? :P But yeah found the car, and then went to get gas...and got lost doing that too. Frikken Vegas roads and their construction cones. Finally found 15S and left. Soooo much traffic though. Ugh. Stayed awake for the first half of the drive, but then knocked out because it got dark and boring. Lol we stopped at the same Starbucks to pee. :P Driver switch, caffeine, and more traffic. *sigh* Detours kinda worked. =T But yeahhh finally got back! Dropped Alex and Andrew off first, then Tiana dropped me off.
Had the apartment to myself again. I think that's how it's been for the past week. =T Well...as long as it's doing good, which we think it is. :) Lol definitely got some stress/worrying lifted from the trip. Less random thinking about things. Thanks guys&girls. ^^ Showered. Omg that felt soooo good! T_T Haha decided I was too lazy to unpack. Bahaha. Ended up doing the stupid guidebook test for work. Haha...I brought it along to Vegas, but totally didn't touch it, except to throw it to the side so I could dig around in my bag. xD Oh well. At least it was easy. Ugh...I was totally going to leave my nails on, even though I'm not supposed to for work. I have the worst frikken luck though with that right thumbnail. I somehow ripped it when I was lifting the toilet lid...of all ways to rip a nail. WTF?! -__- I was all sleepy and grumbly and had to take everything else off. Annoying. :(
Monday
Did *not* want to go to class. It was cold. >_> Then went to discussion...that was not super exciting, but not too boring, I suppose. Afterwards, chilled at Phoenix for a bit with Monica and gossiped. Haha work...Kenny clocked out soooooo early today! T_T I was lonely for an hour and a half. Bah. Lol still managed to discount Monica's salad, but eff! Worst timing ever! Hahaha right when I started making her salad, my boss was like staring at the salads. I think he was trying to decide what to eat for lunch...and then he ended up starting to make himself a salad. Rofl the whole time I was like DAMNIT. >.< And he took foreverrr...I was trying to stall and wait until he walked off so I could stuff more things into her salad, but then yeahhh. He wandered off for a bit, so I marked the box and practically threw it at Monica. LOLOL. Sat around for a bit after my shift, then we went to lecture. I was totally falling asleep. Haha Henry actually *was* asleep to my right, and Monica fell asleep on my left towards the end. I was trying to sleep, but I kept twitching awake, and my head was lolling back and forth, so I tried propping my head up with my hand. Too bad I ended up twitching and like basically slapped myself back awake. T_T GRR. Fail. >_>
Came back and forgot I was going to eat rice paper, so I had Cocoa Puffs. And string cheese. Mmm. Monica came back and made fruit salad! Hahaha she was going to bring it to Dale's, but there was like a bowl's worth of fruit that didn't fit into my Tupperware, so she just fed it to me. xD *sigh*...what to cook tonight. Goshies it's almost 9. Maybe I'll just consider that dinner. Mrf. Wahahah time to blast the music and dancing around naked? Haha...or I'll unpack. Blargh.
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Damn, I had a bout of extreme sleepiness while dancing. That was pretty gay. I mean, fuck, I get 9 hrs of sleep the night before and I have sleepiness problems in the day... still.
But it's ok, we should have some diagnosis Tuesday! ...right? Talking to a classmate about it (cos he has gone to the same doctors for diagnoses), he said they're pretty awesome and helpful for him. Hopefully for me, too.
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I will fuck you up if I ever lay eyes on you.
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Woke up alone. Went to class alone. Came back. Not alone. Slumbering lol.
Went to work. Tired as hell. Probably gave some of that to Kenny. Haha oops. Damn...what have I created? He's like Josephine V.2! ROFL. Suckah. He started talking about a salad kingdom. I gave him a look just to mess with him. He knows I'm weird too. LOL. He got me excited though when he said I could have my own cheese flower garden. Hahahahah cos I found a really long strip of parmesan and "planted" it in the cheddar that's farther away from me so we don't use it until we run out of the closer one. Duh we're lazy. And the short arms thing. Hah. I dubbed it the cheese flower. He gave me such a look when I said that. Ryan finally came by and mentioned the article. Since Kenny and I are pretty much the only ones who work lunch rush, he said we were probably the "friendly employees" who were mentioned. And then he applauded us. xD Yeah we're frikken awesome! Miraculously, my nails survived work. Haha. Kenny made me a salad. He harvested my cheese flower and gave me my one corn. Bwahahah. Goshies oh how I love that steak and raspberry vinaigrette. ^^ But yeahh! It was marked a veggie salad. ;P And then Paula charged me for tacos or something. ♥! :D Yayayay for cheapass salads. Teehee!
Ate the salad. While texting. Drama galore. Checked email on Starlight. Kinda hard to type with the nails though. =T
Diana had the most beautiful analogy on relationships...
actually, it's like candy-making. there's a recipe that works and many that don't. when you're making it you have to be extremely careful not to touch it at the wrong time or it will stick to you and burn like molten lava. if you do manage to get your hands on it, you can create anything, the most beautiful art pieces. but it's delicate as hell. the whole process is. if you don't get the proportions right, if you don't heat it right, if you don't stir it properly, if you don't mold it at the right moment, if it's too humid or too dry out...then, even if you manage to get all that right, your end product is still a delicate crystalline structure liable to shatter in any slight breeze.
Well, at least *I* thought it was quote-worthy. Might just be the mention of candy. Haha.
Class...yeahhh I was playing Sudoku as usual. =X Went back and lol Andy was in the living room...he got to listen in on both Monica and me calling our moms and having Canto conversations. We coulda been talking smack about him and he wouldn't have a clue! Hahahaha j/k. We're nice. Kinda. :P My mommy told me to win a car and lotsa money in Vegas. And then she told me not to get too drunk. In Chinglish. Drunk was the token English word. Lawl.
Showered and got ready, then Tiff came to get me. Olive Garden turned into Boudin, which was good too. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl...damn haven't had one of those since my dad took us to Monterey. *memories* :) Hahahah gave Vicki drugs, then we had a hell of a time getting $6 out of this skinny little crevice. Bahahahah. Success though! Go us! ^^ Chilled at Andrew's to kill time before bowling. Lakers game! Weeheehee stealll! :P Then yeahhh went to Forest Lanes. Half hour wait, so we went to Albatross. Duh, carne asada burrito! I do not scurry! >=[ Bahahaha. Went back and waited some more, then got two lanes, cos Hoai and Kevin joined us. I wasn't doing too bad by my standards until I thought someone was bowling next to me and accidentally let the ball drop at a really weird angle. Frikken ripped my nail. That was rather painful. And annoying. It made me sad. I was hoping it'd last for the weekend. =T Haha tried left-handed for the 2nd game...it was rather obvious when I would switch back and forth. xD But yayyy Jason stopped by! :D Haha white Russians and I don't even remember what the bartender called mine. But he actually did *not* forget the cherry in my second one! xD Goshies it was sooo yummy! Haha I think I could totally make it. He used two separate juices, but I totally have the combination of the two in my fridge. ^^ Yarr...just chilled for a bit after Jason left. Hahaha HORSE bowling? And yay for breaking 15. :P Grazi to Hoai for dropping me back off. :)
But yeahh...brushed up, drank some water. And damn. Krazy Glue is the shit! I didn't think it'd actually work, but my nail is in one piece now! Well I still have to be careful with it, but yeahhh! :D I'll just uh...sand down the glob I accidentally squeezed on there tomorrow. xD And maybe paint a topcoat for reinforcement. I need to get nail glue for the other thumbnail though. That one actually just fell off while I was bowling with my left hand. LOL.
I'm tired and sleepy but I keep thinking. Ugh. Does it make me such a huge bitch? =/ I'm worried, but what can I do? Idiotic actions/inactions from illogical reasoning. Like I've said before...people fascinate me, yet they frustrate me at the same time. I don't want anything to do with it. And don't drag other people into it either, especially people close to me. I don't wanna have to turn into a catty little...meh.
It hurts. Blarghhhhh. The alcohol should've passed by now, right? I can pop the Advils? T_T Where's my hot compress? *sigh*...
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I and many of the Libertarians, classic liberals, minarchists, small-c conservatives, and whatever they like to call us believe in the idea that all individuals should be allowed the pursuit of happiness as well as the other inalienable rights as long as they do nothing to harm another. When it comes to gay marriage, we believe it should be legal, because well, the gay marriages don't do any harm to anyone (and studies have backed this up, because apparently we need studies to tell us the human behavior we see is real). Despite how much I'd like to see gays be able to marry and what not, I'm starting to see an incompatibility of those exact wishes at this present time.
From a merely non-biased opinion, both sides of the argument are saying it's all or nothing... whatever happened to compromise?
Humans, afterall, are nothing more than highly educated animals with a better sense of self and values. When a group has believed something, and based their habits on those beliefs, for hundreds of years, they will not be okay with things being suddenly changed. If you corner an animal in a situation it feels uncomfortable, it will lash out; as does a human being. The fact is, we cannot expect people to suddenly change beliefs that have been instilled for centuries in our country's general population in a 10 yr period. Most people can't even adapt well when they move, much less can you change their beliefs.. especially when it comes to religious beliefs. Despite how much science has investigated, humans maintain the same instinctive behaviors other animals have... and if someone figures out how to erase those behaviors, he could rule the world.... ala 1984 and Brave New World. But that's a different rant.
With this knowledge, I look on the debate--there's one side that wants to marry, there's another side that opposes it, and there's the few in the middle that would like to see a compromise until our country is more adapted to the idea of marriage being expanded to all individuals regardless of sexuality.
It's not even a big compromise, it's simple: domestic unions. Domestic unions provide gay couples all the same amenities marriage does (a license, the ability for insurance to cover your partner, the ability of your partner to assume land and what not after death of the other, and so forth), just without the word marriage. A word is just a word afterall, but the legal benefits can be extended to another word (or phrase in this case). This shouldn't be permanent either, as generations are progressively becoming more accepting of different sexualities. In 2 generation's times, domestic union could probably be abolished and replaced with marriage for all that want it. Some of the very religious conservatives would be pleased with this because marriage would still=man and wife, while others would still be against it because they feel it'd be a stepping stone (which it is!).
But honestly, is it better to keep fighting for years and years without any sort of benefits, or is it better to slowly help the rest of the country adapt so there won't be these senseless debates (and hopefully no more killings either) while everyone can get benefits sooner? The goal is the same, but one provides no fruits along its path while the other does.
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guys have no idea
NO IDEA
the painnnnn
how bad it sucks to be a girl sometimes
yeah
yeah *they* should try giving birth! :O
not that i know what that feels like
but if a cramp is already so sucky...
screw them and their fragile balls. WE deal with this shit every month
HAHAHA
LOL
goshies vicki you might pump me up
that should be quoted
to go kick the next guy i see
hahahahahahahahaha
in their fragile balls
LOLLL
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
and just be like: bitch, that aint pain!!!!
I'm red. Font, I mean.
Please body, please don't hate me. No Vegas curse please. Get here already. Tomorrow? At the latest. Please? Ugh. Enough stuff is sore and hurting, and I'm so easily irritated, which really does not help right now, considering I got mad the other night and punched something with an already-cut-up knuckle. Fcking hormones. One minute I'm angsty, the next I feel slightly depressed, then I get restless, after that, some other random hormone-driven emotions, and I just don't know what to do with myself. Not good. Not to mention you're already late as hell. Of course I won't mind if you don't visit until Monday. That would be wonderful. Blargh. No more mind games and psuedo-cramps please. It would be greatly appreciated. Rawr.
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Monday...started out ordinary enough. Class...we got front seats for like the first time this quarter. Professor Garfias was rather surprised. :P He said that absolutely no one rang his doorbell on Halloween, and then he passed around a big bag of candy. :D Discussion...gotta love the videos. Hahahah yeahhh. Mr. Sleepyhead in front of me was attracting too much attention, so I couldn't check my phone for the longest time. I could see the light flashing, and it kept catching my eye...wahahah. And then it ended up being Monica. Who was sitting next to me during class. -__-;; LOL. Work...washed a lot of stuff. How frikken many ice cream scoops are there at Phoenix Grill?! Jeez. Haha. They fixed the little knife! Or sharpened it correctly or something. Beautiful slicing again. Grabbed a salad, then went to class. We watched cartoons the whole time. The Ambiguously Gay Duo. LMFAO. And some Batman & Robin stuff.
Came back and I don't remember what I did. Probably sat around. Yeah. And then was about to go out, but shit went down. And then Trish got here and we left. Bowling! Hoai saved my socksless ass, because I ran the fck outta my apartment. AMF tasted strong, but was nowhere near effective enough. One of the few times I wished I was a cheap drunk. :( Haha yay I got me one strike. xD Yar. Then Trish and I went to Yardhouse because D&B looked wayyy too dead. Kitchen was already closed. Bummer. Strawberry Fields and Sweet Tart. Damnit I always pick the ones that taste too strong. Same thing happened the other night, except LB Yardhouse actually closed at 2. This one closed at midnight, so we were like...damnit. Albatross run. Very satisfying. Then went back to Trish's and did girly things and reminisced and gossiped until we knocked out. Aww I kinda miss dorming sometimes. =T
Tuesday...woke up at frikken 7:30 AM and couldn't get back to sleep. Stupid. Got me a big Caribbean passion...sat at the table at 9:45 and waited for people to show up at 10. Badminton people didn't show up, but people at the booth next to us who were also selling KBBQ *did* show up and start cooking. Hahhhhhh I was alone for like an hour. I'm never coming on time again. -__-; Didn't even have the right meat. >_> Piled on the meat. I guess it would've been a better deal to get it this week than last time we did KBBQ. Last week or whenever. Hahah. Yeahh. Got another big Caribbean passion somewhere in there. Alex dropped me back off afterwards...didn't go to class. Eh. Ended up watching Jennifer's Body somehow. I don't know why. Don't judge me. T_T Drama update. Started feeling reeeally woozy and figured it was from the lack of food and influx of sugar from having only 1.5 Caribbean passions the whole day...so I made vodka shrimp pasta again. I'm being good and not going out and spending money. xD Although I have 21 years of being good to balance out stuff, so I'm covered for awhile. LOL. J/k. Kinda. Place to myself for tonight. Again. Fighting off food coma now...I should work out. I have no idea if I'll be able to get my ass to the Arc though. *sigh*...
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It almost seems ironic after I have my lengthy tirade with my clinical professor (I <3 her) about how Americans want cheaper health care but choose to lead unhealthy lifestyles (thereby increasing costs because they need more and lengthier treatments)... That a really awesome friend and classmate is in the hospital with a large lung mass suspected to be lymphoma (and by suspect the doctor is pretty much >95% sure cos he already wants to put in a port-a-cath for chemo treatment; it'll be final by tomorrow what the mass is). It's so absolutely frustrating--she leads a healthy life, never smoked, has a child (she's 27) she takes care of, not obese yet not thin (normal, perfectly normal) etc. She did everything right and yet still spontaneously developed cancer. Why in the world did she develop it instead any of the fat, smoking, alcoholic, drug-abusing, sedentary-living, diabetic idiots? So many of those idiots are so lucky because they haven't developed cancer yet, but they continue their stupid behaviors anyways. And when they do develop them, they complain and whine about it, yet never stop to think that they did it to themselves. But what about those that develop it for no reason, that live fully healthy lifestyles? What can they blame? They can't; and there's nothing for them to seek revenge upon as a family would seek revenge upon a drunk driver that seriously injures someone. Individuals that spontaneously develop theses diseases account for so little of the cost of health care and could probably get better care if more people could focus on them--but no, in this world, the care is already rationed because people are idiots that make themselves unhealthy and need medical attention. Why is it so okay for people to complain about costs and care when they can't even care for themselves? Selfish fucks. The care should be focused more on those who take care of themselves actively by trying to exercise and eat healthy and not partake in unhealthy habits--they'll be the best investment of time and money. But that would be technically ethically wrong--and so we can't practice like this in a real world setting.
Ethics--it really makes things more complicated. Just like the old argument about a liver transplant--who should get it, the alcoholic 45 y/o that hasn't stopped drinking or the 16 y/o that spontaneously developed liver failure (usually secondary to infection BUT) despite living healthily? Technically, it should be whoever is in line first. But in our own minds, who should get the liver...?
And for that reason, no health care reform will ever be successful in our world--more free health care? Fuck yeah I don't have to worry about diabetes and hypertension and all that other shit, the doctor will do it for me!
People want to live freely and cheaply but they don't even recognize that the more they have others do things for them, the less free they are and the more they spend. You can't expect something that someone else has without working for it, and even more so if you're setting yourself back by making yourself an idiot with chronic diseases (yet expect to pay less and get more care).
Let's take the subjective part out of all of it in the end and make it a math equation: Incr. demand + same amt product= incr. prices and decr. product. Incr. demand + same amt product =/= same prices and same product. Let's face it, at the rate we're going, we're not going to actually keep the same amt of product; we're expected to see up to 1,000,000 shortages or nurses in nursing alone and physicians have some high # of shortages.. so we won't even get THAT lucky.
So in the end, who should get the better care when we don't have enough for everyone? The individuals that lead healthy lifestyles, or those that don't? It won't be equal--equality doesn't exist. I'd put my vote for my friend, though.
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Oh shit it's November! Time to change my calendar. Helloooo Jack Sparrow! :D *1 minute later* Omg stupid chair kept spinning around and I almost fell off so many times but...SUCCESS! ^^
But yeahhhhhh Halloween weekend!
( Friday )
( Saturday...Halloween! )
( Sunday )
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pensive
tipsy
exhausted
calm
blah
tired